STOP Fueling the Comparison Fire - Step 1

Oprah Winfrey said it best when she said, "Stop comparing yourself to other people.You're only on this planet to be you, not someone else's imitation of you… Your life journey is about learning to become more of who you are and fulfilling the highest, truest expression of yourself as a human being. That's why you're here."

We all have that sound bite of Oprah on repeat in our head. However, this concept is easier said than done.

We live in a world where comparison is EVERYTHING. The best Olympic swimmer, ice skater, snowboarder. In school we are given grades - a ranking. In the business/working world we are given performance reviews. It's part of our world - there is no escaping it and there is no problem with becoming the very best version of ourselves. The problem lies when we start comparing ourselves to each other.

I live in a house full of very competitive boys. With boys (and sometimes girls), everything is a competition. How much pizza they can eat, how loud or large they can create bodily functions, how hard they can throw a ball, how high they can jump - you get the picture - and EVERYTHING turns into a competition. It's like this innate thing they are born with, because let me tell you - it wasn't taught - or WAS it?

I remember my son at a young age drew me a picture to which I said, "Wow, what a great picture - I love it! Thank you my sweet boy." To which my other son replied in distress, "But what about MY picture? You don't love MY picture?" Not sure how my compliment to one turned out to be a disregard of the other.

It's a natural and human trait to want and feel praise. To even seek it.

Not long ago I read an article that stated how Adobe recently did away with a 1 to 5 performance rating because it was a stumbling block to employee happiness and was also having a negative impact on attracting and keeping good employees.

Shawn Achor, a Harvard university professor said, "There's an old saying, "Comparison is the thief to joy" - if we really want to enhance others, we MUST STOP comparing."

So how do we fix this narrative? How do we retrain our brains? We know that comparison is detrimental to our mental health. I have struggled for years with depression and anxiety - can you guess what one of my triggers is? That's right - COMPARISON.

I have found from my years of struggling, counseling and researching that there is a process to fix this - but it's not just a one and done thing - it requires action and focus to retrain our brains. Essentially it's a series - THIS is step one. Focus on this step for a few weeks - and then come back to find out step 2, 3 and so on.

STEP 1: REMOVE SUPERLATIVES AND BE PURPOSEFUL IN YOUR COMPLIMENTS

What IS a superlative? The dictionary defines a superlative as "of the highest quality or degree".

When we use superlatives in our language, a compliment might sound something like this, "You were the best out there today - GOOD JOB!"

One might think - oh that's harmless - that's a compliment. However, by phrasing your "compliment" like this it is actually having the opposite affect in the brain. You are comparing and not praising. Read it again - can you find the comparison?

Instead, use something like this, "You've been working hard and it shows, you did so great, I'm proud of you."

Another example might be (and this comes from my years in the fitness industry - which is extremely competitive):

Instead of "You're my favorite instructor! You always make me work so much harder"

Use

"Thank you for class. I hate to miss because it is a highlight in my week"

Do you feel the difference that removing the superlative has?? Do you see how YOU, your children, grandchildren, really anyone you come in contact with could benefit from this?

So here's your challenge. Try this idea for 1-2 weeks. See how it feels. See if you can spark change. Then let's chat about step 2.

YOU IN??

XOXO,

Kimberly Marie

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