3 Tips To Get Your Kids To Open Up

As a mom of 4 boys I've done my fair share of research and experimenting to get my kids to open up and talk to me.

I do not claim to be an expert - just a fellow mom trying to raise good human beings.

I have children ranging in ages from 16 down to 7 and although each of them are very different in personality, likes and dislikes, I have found a few tried and true tips and tricks during those years that have helped them open up to me.

1. FOOD

I don't think this tip is limited to boys although it is very affective for this gender. When your children walk in the door from school, what is the first thing you say? Most of the time, I embrace them with a hug or a big smile and hello and ask "how was your day?". Sound like you? How is their response? Most of the time I'm met with a "fine", "stupid - I hate school", or "it was ok". Once they've responded they don't really care to answer any other questions I might have to dig a little deeper on the subject, they very rarely want to talk more about it - they want to move on, chill, and relax. This is where food comes in. I have found that when I have taken the time to prepare an after school snack, there is no need for me to ask any questions other than "how was your day" - they just start talking. The food doesn't have to be fancy, just things they love. Today I'm making cinnamon muffins from a box and will put them on a nice tray with fun holiday napkins and cups for milk. Of course I love a good charcuterie board and have instilled that love to them - but I mix it up, muffins or a bowl of chips one day and a fancy charcuterie on another.

2. BE AVAILABLE

The food brings us to the next tip. I work from home so it's easier for me to be available for them, however, I often get frustrated because my work day doesn't end when they get home and I still have to be on my computer or phone while running them to sporting practices and being a caretaker for them. But I have found when I take a purposeful break with no phone in hand or computer nearby for 15 minutes when each of them get home (they all get home at different times) and I really focus on just them, the remainder of their day at home seems to go more smoothly. There have been studies about the most important times in a child's day - guess what those times are - the 15 minutes right after they wake up, return from school, and before bed. Now don't let this upset you if you aren't there or available during those times - what is most important is purposeful quality time and attention, which leads me to my final tip.

3. DATE YOUR KIDS

Does that sound weird? It's not. We know how important date night is for marriage - but what about the kids? I grew up the youngest in a large family of 9 kids. My mom worked out of the home and my dad worked in the home. We lived in a small house. It was crazy and one on one time with my parents was few and far between. However, I remember the times I spent with them alone was special - I felt important and loved. We have implemented this same principle with our boys. It doesn't have to be over the top. It can be as simple as riding a bike or walking to a nearby park, going on a hike or picnic, taking them out for soda or a treat, or more extravagant with shopping, dinner and a movie. Even if they don't open up and tell you all the things during the date, the key is that they feel special and loved; and perhaps when they go to bed at night in a week or two they'll remember that you're a safe place and you love them (those teenagers get real chatty right before bed).

Do you have any tips/tricks you would add? Be sure to share in the comment section below! We're all here to help each other!

XOXO,

Kimberly Marie